fhqwhgads (serendipity1827) wrote,

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Warpath Comedy.

With Operation Fuck Up completed, I turn my attention to Operation Fuck OFF.

The two part mission of Up and Off is a launching program that is only for the quick witted and (more often than not) hard of hearing. The icy heart should approach life with this method, but those with softer organs should be mindful to really attempt this only once and hope that it should be seriously successful. Otherwise, the method is swallowed hard in the first half and the second is left forgotten and utterly useless. Note: the first half is self-destructive and without recovery should the second portion of this method be left off.

Operation Fuck Up entails everything that the title suggests: fuck as much as you can up. Eat the wrong things, sleep at the wrong times, don't do any homework or chores, get into fights with people you love over things that don't matter, think about harmful things when you should be attending to business, be late everywhere, lose jobs continuously, talk loudly in libraries, break dishes, chew too much gum, sleep with people on the fist date, say things you don't mean, bite your nails, treat loans poorly, start owing money to people, slouch, walk without rhythm, forget how to smile, etc.

In the midst of OFU, one must gain an understanding that life is fun! Life is meant to have fun in and this is all just for giggles and thus, nothing that is screwed up can be taken seriously. Of course, give yourself a moral compass, don't fuck it ALL up, that would defeat the purpose of the next operation and just render you into a terrible human being. Remember that you want to do something with yourself.

Operation Fuck OFF happens after it has become apparent that OFU has become too much of a success of excess. You wake up one morning and it is already 1PM. You put on your pants and they're a size too big or small. You have blemishes everywhere. You thing your smile looks too goofy and you're afraid of how yellow your teeth are getting. (Smoking? No, just neglect.) You've spent over three days thinking of things you ought to be doing and you are starting to feel this lingering entropy in your very bones. You realize that even the plans you make with your friends are mediocre and insubstantial.

Time to call in the big guns.

Operation Fuck OFF is born. It is, like it's evil twin, everything the title suggests: tell all of that ugly shit to fuck off. Tell your friends to fuck off for a little while, too. You've got some mess to clean up and some of those friends don't need to see it. OFO is not about becoming a hermit, but about restoring the self. Really focusing in on what has been seriously f'd up previously and working on fortifying a foundation. It is the recovery process for the tear-down.

Sorry in advance to anyone I've been (seemingly) avoiding. Just like a bad break up: It's not you, it's me. I've been thinking of my mess while I'm out with friends and it's not fair to anyone. It's time for some fucking spring cleaning and getting a move on. I'm sick and tired of this mess that I've been carrying around and I know that if I at least focus on one thing at a time I can chip away at it.

I'm taking the next 10 days (starting tonight with sleep) to really work on the beginning of OFO. Simple things: Proper hydration, sleeping at night, homework every day, even maintaining my clean room. From now until say...the 14th. As part of OFO, if I'm unavailable to attend a social event, I'm going to remind myself that it is not my fucking problem and that everyone needs to just fuck off and not bother me about it. Mostly that I should not feel guilty about this shit. I will be that guy, the one that leaves a party early to go to bed or refuses to speak to a friend because it'll go on for hours and drain me. I'm sick of being leeched and I'm drawing the fucking line.

Phase 1: Sleeping 10 hours or so tonight. Drinking water (and pissing like a race horse) endlessly. Eggs in the morning, salad in the afternoon and soup at night for the next 10 days. Morning stretches and daily homework.

Anyone that gets in my way gets the axe. Fuck Off.

Maggie Danger. ;)
Tags: ambitions, break, busy, determination, frustration, fucked up, health, homework, introvert, isolation, mean, passover, sleep problems, war
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