fhqwhgads (serendipity1827) wrote,

i can't tell if it's the wild frustration of waking up in the middle of the day and pursuing the act of not accomplishing anything or if it's the stark echo of feeling like it doesn't matter if i do or don't get anything done that really enrages me.

i just know i'm feeling worse and feeling even more like i have no one to talk to.
thoughts running through my head about inadequacy make it hard to hang out with friends sometimes. (i tend to pick people that are rather "harsh" and sarcastic. not that my friends aren't sensitive people or can't figure out what isn't so tactful to say, but that sometimes we just play hard and don't always know when something might hit a tough spot.)

"why isn't anyone hiring me?"
"why can't i wake up in the morning?"
"why do i always feel so fat?"/"god, i look disgusting."
"why don't my friends call?"

because i'm not trying, i'm not caring/i'm running away, i'm not going out and taking care of myself, and because i'm waiting for the wrong people to call/i never call them.

shit. i don't know.
i should really just call the doctor.
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